Sleepless Nights

Monday, Feb. 28, 2011

I just can't keep it in.

Last night, Feb. 27 at 5:30PM Kathy, our case worker, for the China adoption called us. It was a Sunday night and she was calling from her home phone. I had no idea why she would calling. The first thought was that she wanted some more clarification on the Special Needs list we filled out.

She told us that they had another referral for us. Total shock.

We have only been in the special needs program for 2 weeks and to have 2 referrals is mind blowing. So, Dave puts the phone on speaker and I hear her say.

"Well, she is 18 months old. . ."

Hmmm "she," a girl? I thought we would be getting a boy for sure and now they have a little girl for us? My heart leaped in my chest. Flashes of dolls and pink dresses blurred my vision for a moment. She gave us some brief information on her medical history and said she was sending us the file.

Dave and I pounced on computer and kept hitting the "refresh" button on the inbox. Nope. . . Nope. . . Nope. . . then there it was. We opened the file and saw the most lovely little girl with round cheeks and knowing eyes.

We read her file and instantly emailed it my sister Janelle (the NICU nurse) for some medical guidance and some explanations and prognosis. We started reading about where she was born and what her foster mother sees in her personality. Apparently, she is active and loves to sing and dance. With each word I am falling more and more in love with this child.

There were a few minor medical problem she had at birth, but they were treated and all is well. The most dramatic thing was a post-operation of right ureterocele. Basically she had some problems with one kidney. The operation fixed the problem and now the only thing to worry about is that one kidney is smaller then the other. But she is healthy and nothing more then routine check ups to make sure her kidney is doing well. This couldn't be more wonderful, right?

There is a but. . .

But, we cannot "lock" her as a referral until Tuesday, March 1. As you know there is a lot of bureaucracy in international adoption. So we have to wait 2 days to know if she can be ours. Dave and I fasted today and prayed that if it is right, she will be our daughter. Our parents and siblings have also kept our family in their prayers. I am going to the temple tomorrow morning.

So far I feel very calm and peaceful about this. This little girl's given name is "He" (meaning peace), that's all I'm sayin'

I will write more when I know.

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Tuesday, March 1, 2011
1:40PM

Still no news.

My mom called, my sister called, my neighbor called and we got a wrong number. I have been sitting on the phone all day waiting, holding my breath. Just watching the paint dry here. .. sigh. . .

I went to the temple this morning and that helped me feel at peace. I just wish I knew.

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Tuesday, March 1, 2011
5:04PM

Dave just called the home phone from his cell phone to make sure it worked. The waiting is killing us. I called Kathy to see if she had an update, left a message.

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7:10 PM

Oh Dear, it is 7 o'clock.

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8:32 PM

Just an update email:

Hi Karla,

I got your phone message. Just wanted to let you know I have e-mailed Sabrina and asked her to please e-mail you as soon as she is able to lock your child. I have to leave for my son's BB game and then we have temple cleaning duty from 9pm-12 midnight. I will be praying all goes well.

Kathy

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10:30 PM

We are heading to bed, but will be checking my inbox for any news.

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11:15 PM

No news

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1:55 AM Wed. March 2

Nada

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2:34 AM

Still nothin'

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3:59 AM

Argggghhhh!


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5:34 AM

We wait. . . .

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7:25 AM

Finally an email from Kathy

See below....their site has actually been down for two days. I am so sorry about the wait there is just nothing we can do until the site is back up. Hang in there!

Kathy


Sent: Wednesday, March 02, 2011 12:44 AM
Subject: Re: FYI
From: Sabrina


CCAA's site is down. CCAA staff cannot even get into their system. Their IT guy is out of the office. I will call back tomorrow. :(

======================

After 2 sleepless nights it seems like an eternity. I guess we just white knuckle it from here.

Vegas

We had a great 3 days in Las Vegas! Dave had a conference at the Bellagio. So Spencer and I came along. I got my work done on the laptop for my class and Spencer had fun too. The highlight of the trip was seeing Dexter, my new nephew. What a cutie! He was so sweet, He is 3 months old and such a sweet disposition. Spencer and his cousin Kenzie had a great time playing together too.

Exhibit A:









While we were in Vegas we got an email from our China adoption agency.

It was a thrilling moment. The title of the email said, "referral." Of course Dave and I pounced on the computer to see what on earth it said. Our paperwork had been with the in-country coordinator for about a week. It seemed too good to be true.

We opened the email and saw a beautiful little 2 year old boy. He had 4 special needs, (1 mild special need, 2 moderate and 1 severe). It was pretty clear to us that this little guy had a lot of problems that would require many multiple surgeries and years of treatment/follow up.

I felt a mix of disappointment and peace.

I was disappointed that the match was not better suited to our family. We submitted a list of special needs we felt fit our family and ability to handle. So many things are on a spectrum. Maybe we were not clear in our explanation of what we felt was "mild", maybe they are just trying to find a family for this little guy and we were the closest fit of the families they have waiting. In the email our case worker said, "I know you wanted more mild and this may not be, but take a look." (For those familiar with China SN, we have seen more mild special needs on the shared list.)

On the positive side of the experience. Our agency is actively looking for us. That brings great peace, I am amazed that just a week after having our file in-hand the in-country coordinator is actively looking. It is great to feel that we are not in some abyss of paperwork. I am also glad this match happened early on in the process, so we didn't have to wait 6 months for this match and have a conversation about our expectations.

We called our case worker after getting the email and had a great conversation. She was wondering if Sabrina (in-country facilitator that locks referrals) had a clear picture of our family and what SN we felt comfortable with. She said she would talk with her and add some clarity.

I am feeling anxious about the whole thing. I am happy things are happening and moving forward, but also worried that future referrals will be ill suited to our family. I just have to have faith that the little one meant to be with our family is waiting patiently for us to find them and bring them home.

China Special Needs

The first week of March makes 4 years since we signed with our adoption agency to adopt from China, 4 years. We pretty much wrote it it off after the first year and discovered that our projected wait for a referral was 2019 (literally). So, about 3 years ago we started Nepal. When that country closed we started our Kaz adoption. Then we started our domestic adoption about a year a later.

The 3rd of January our international adoption agency emailed us and asked if, now that Kaz had failed, had we thought about starting a China Special needs adoption. The first response was, no way. This is the same agency that we used for the failed Kaz adoption. Why would we go back to them? The Kaz experience was heartbreaking and to start yet another adoption with this agency that had just let us down seemed impossible. Why go back to a "bad relationship"?

But, pragmatism before emotion. . . We told them to send all the information and we would look at our options. We do have a log in for China (basically the first round of paperwork is already done), so the process is more streamlined. We looked at a list of special needs and thought about what we would be open to. Some special needs are so mild it is hard to believe it is categorized as "special needs." There are lots of things that are easily addressed with surgery (clef lip, mild heart conditions) or mild enough to just live with (birthmarks, missing digets).

Over the last month and half we looked at other agencies too. Could we do a China special needs adoption with another agency? For Spencer we switched our agency, why not now? We researched and looked at lots of great, reputable agencies that work with China special needs.

It was all rather simple when we did it. It was the Saturday after Dave's birthday and we were looking at some children on a shared list and just imagining our lives with a little one from China. The next thing I know we are filling out the special needs form from our original agency, researching some of the medical terms listed, finding passport photos of us to submit with the form and we hit "send." It all felt so normal and natural. There was no anxiety or questioning, it is just the right thing to do. There wasn't a big "are we going to do this?" moment. . . we just did it. It wasn't until a few days later that it kind of hit me, this really could happen.

As far as expectations. . . after so many failed attempts it is hard to believe that it could be real. So, we are looking at this with the "it could or could not happen" attitude. I really hope it does, but do not want to get my hopes up until something does happen, (like we get a referral).

What we have been told:

We could get a referral in as little as 2-3 months (or as long as never.)

After the referral we could travel to China in as little as 3-4 months, but from what I have seen 6-8 months is more common.

Travel in country is about 2 weeks.

We are open to a boy or girl 0-24 months. (Families not requesting a girl are usually matched with boys, so there is an excellent chance "little one" will be a brother.)

As far as a timeline, our agency has said they feel there is an excellent chance we would complete this adoption by the end of the year. (But, we have heard that before. . . from this agency. . . multiple times.)

So, there you have it. That is the big news as of late. It is kind of exciting and scary at the same time. It has been a couple of weeks since we did it and I wanted to keep it to myself for awhile. It doesn't seem real and I somehow it feels if I write about it, it is no longer my own dream. Sharing a dream is very personal, and I know this scenario has the potential to be heartbreaking. On the other hand, this could be an amazing journey. My emotions are a strange mix of excitement and caution.

Dancing with the stars

Ever since we got back from Uncle Spencer's house, Spencer has been a dancing fool. Nathan (his cousin) loves Micheal Jackson and got a Micheal Jackson video game for the Wii. Spence was quite impressed.

He will dance at the drop of hat. One day I was watching a link to a college choir singing a cover to "bad romance" with some fun dance moves. Spencer loves to watch "On the Rocks." Here's the link to "On the Rocks": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTFh8LCBZeQ

Enjoy the magic that is Spencer:

I . . . am not left handed

Over the past month and especially the last 2 week my right hand has been giving me some problems. My index finger and hand has been sore. When I lift a gallon of milk I have this pain in my hand. . . basically picking up anything causes pain. I thought I would wait it out. But, it was getting worse not better.

Dave thinks it is all the extra time I have been spending on the computer since I started teaching at South University. I would have to agree. A few years ago Dave said he also had some similar carpal-tunnel problems. What he did was switch the mouse and use his left hand. So, a few days ago I tried the same thing.

I am not left handed, so as you can imagine it has been really annoying. It is not as bad, as say trying to write with my left hand, but still I am rather clumsy with it and it takes longer. However, even though it has only been a few days I can tell my right hand is better. It is still a little sore and I might end up going to the doctor about it, but I think this left handed mouse trick might just be the solution.

Super Reader

Spencer has always loved books, no surprise there. And over the last couple of months he has been starting to read. At first simple words them more complex ones.

We read the scriptures together as a family at night and at first we let him read the "and" "the" "if". . .type words. Then he wanted to read it all himself so we read a word and he would repeat it. Now. . .the boy is totally into it. We only help him on "hard" words.

We found when we read on the Kindle it helps, that way we can make the font huge and he can read it so much better.

How could I not be the proud mama?