Little politician in training

This morning Dave got Spencer breakfast while I was upstairs. When Dave left for work I asked Spencer if he already had his vitamins. He got a big smile (Spencer loves his gummy vitamins) then he said: "I don't remember."

me: "So, do you still need your vitamins?"
Spencer: "I think so."
me: "Dad didn't get them for you?"
Spencer: "I don't remember."
me: "So, if I call Dad right now and ask him if he gave you your vitamins, what would he say?"
Spencer: "He would say he already gave them to me, but I don't remember."
me: "Uh-huh."

My little politician in training. I can hear it now, "No senator, I do not recall."

59 days

Nothing really to report. I ordered a couple of cards today for Katie. One of us doing the baby's room and one for St. Patrick's day. We meet her 4 weeks from today.

We moved our symphony tickets from April to March. I don't see us going out when the baby is just a month old. Also, it looks like just Dave would go out to AZ for Daniel's baptism. It is the second weekend of April.

It is fun to make plans, but all that joy is laced with a little anxiety. I hope she doesn't change her mind and I hope the birth father doesn't take legal steps.

Just holding on. . .

8 wonderful years

Tomorrow Dave and I will celebrate our 8th anniversary. Wow . . . eight years. How great is that? Our anniversary is actually on the 30th, but we are going to the opera and dinner tomorrow night.

We will have dinner at "The Roof." This is a such a nice place, the view of the temple is just lovely and the food is so delicious. I am excited to go. Dave and I went to The Roof for our 2nd anniversary when we were living downtown.



We have had some great anniversaries:

1st- Spent the weekend at a B&B in Manti (where we were married)
2nd- Dinner at "The Roof" and symphony
3nd- Dave was in Boise on business :(
4th- In a plane flying home from Vietnam with Spencer :)
5th- Niagara Falls trip
6th- Dave was sick :( . . .symphony and dinner postponed until Feb.
7th- Dinner at Ruth's Chris & symphony

8th- Dinner at The Roof and the opera "Rigoletto"

I think I see a theme. . . . dinner & music (symphony or opera). It is kind of a perfect combination for us. It is great for several reasons. It is nice to have a go-to for celebrating. It is something we both enjoy and doesn't take a ton of planning. We have season tickets, so in August when it is time to book our final tickets we pick an event and downtown has so many nice places to eat. It makes for a perfect evening.

I just love that man of mine. He is kind and thoughtful. And by thoughtful I mean he takes so much thought and consideration in everything that he does. This is one of the first qualities I saw in him on our first date. It made me fall in love with him. I feel so lucky to have him as a husband and father of my children. So blessed.

This weekend marks another first. It will be the first time we leave Jacob with a sitter. In Texas we left him for the first time, with Grandma & Grandpa. So, Kayla our go-to next door neighbor will be watching the boys. Spencer loves Kayla and we hope that makes Jacob feel at ease too. It shouldn't be too bad because we leave around 5PM and then Jacob should be in bed by 7PM. He is usually a good sleeper so we will see how it goes.

63 days

Last night we had a good chat with Katie and her mom. We were on the phone for about 30 minutes. Katie & her mom had questions about what church we attend and how we feel about music in our home. She also asked if we had any pets.

Overall she has some of the same feelings we do about the ethnicity. She said she originally wanted to find a bi-racial couple. But when she saw our family and that we had Asian sons that she felt good about that. Even though he would not look like his parents he would look like his siblings. I thought the conversation went very well. I know that she is seriously considering our family. I felt very good about it and I think she and her mom did too. I am so glad her mom is so involved and supportive.

Tarilee called us back after the phone call and said she thought things went well. She said she had a good feeling about it. She said she would keep us posted on anything she hears. She did not know if she already spoke with the other family or not.

So far the only timeline I have heard mentioned is her flight to SLC (with her mom?) on Feb. 24 and her due date of March 29. I don't know what her timeline is for choosing a family. I know Act of Love would like her to choose a family sooner rather then later. But they will just keep us posted on any decisions.

Now that we have spoken with Katie it feels very real. I still feel good about it and I have the feeling that this little boy will join our family. But most importantly I feel that what is right will happen.


==========

1:30PM

We just got a call from Act of Love. Katie chose our family.

I am so filled with love and gratitude. I feel such a strong connection to this little boy. I am just all choked up with emotion as I write this. I just feel like this is the right path, that everything that happened with Caralee lead us to this point. Without that experience I do not know if we would have looked at Act of Love. We certainly would not have had a homestudy ready (since it took 2 months to get an update) and could not even apply to the program.

Now we fill out more paperwork to transition from an "outreach" family to a matched family. Lots of fees to pay, documents to procure and of course. . . 2 months to wait.

I have a strange feeling. . . I feel a strong connection to this little boy. Yet, I am also a realist and know that nothing is done until the papers are signed and that little baby is in our arms and home. I worry about the birth father, but know that everything will turn out. I am at peace with this. I think the next 2 months will be hard, especially because we are keeping this under wraps. We are telling our parents but I think we will hold off on general knowledge until the papers are signed.

===============

Our letter to Katie:

January 26, 2012

Katie,

Today is a day we will always remember. I was in tears when I got the call from Act of Love. They told us “We have some good news.” I just sat there waiting, holding my breath. Then I heard, “Katie chose your family.” I was overwhelmed with gratitude and this amazing feeling of being so blessed by God. What an incredible gift, to know that we will have the honor of having this little boy join our family. Oh, Katie I cannot describe the feelings, they are so tender and loving.

Our family already loves this little boy. When I first found out about your little boy he came to my mind again and again. I felt a powerful connection. And after reading about you and talking on the phone it all felt so peaceful and right. I just cannot tell you in words what it means to have you choose our family.

We are just so excited and making plans. We are going to do the nursery in a “jungle” theme (lions, monkeys, giraffe. . .) We already have some things picked out. But when I look at the future, I see this little boy being such an important part of our family. I can see him playing with his brothers and sharing amazing friendships for a lifetime. Being his mom and dad will be such a blessing to us.

Katie, we love and respect you for making the decision to make an adoption plan. I cannot imagine what it is like. But, I do know how richly and deeply our lives are blessed by your choice. We never got a chance to tell Spencer and Jacob’s birthmoms how much we love them and it is an overwhelming feeling to now be able to share our love and thankfulness.

You have given us something we have always longed for. We could not have children or be parents without loving and selfless women like you. Thank you Katie, thank you.

All our love, respect, prayers and excitement-

Karla & Dave

64 Days

We got a call yesterday afternoon from Tarilee at Act of Love. Katie has narrowed it down to two families. She would like to talk on the phone to the families.

We have an appointment to talk to her tonight at 7 PM. I am looking forward to talking with her. From her profile she sounds delightful. I am excited to talk with her and answer any questions she has about our family.

I am fasting today to add an extra portion of the spirit in our home and also to help Dave and I have a good conversation with Katie.

I have had two spiritual experiences that make me feel like this little boy is meant to be ours. I don't know if those feelings are just the comfort of the spirit and that everything will work out the way it should (whether or not this little boy is ours.) Or if this little boy is meant to be in our family.

Overall though, I feel that everything will work out. I feel good about this. I feel good about applying for the Outreach program. I feel good about Katie meeting our family and pressing forward on this path.

Spencer is in "The Friend"

How cool is that?

I sent this photo in about a year ago. It is in the Feb. 2012 Issue :)

Adoptionland

I have been trying to get back to normal since everything that happened a month ago. It was one month ago today that we found out that Caralee would not be placing her son with us. I have had a lot of people ask me, "Where do you go from here?"

We are still working with our Texas Agency, http://www.adoptionformybaby.com/Waiting_Families.html. They have been very good during this difficult time. They are working with 13 adoptive families and our profile is still "active" and being shown to birthmoms if we meet their criteria. It has been about 2 years since we signed with the agency and we had one "close call" and one failed placement. So, we will just see what happens in the future.

We are keeping our options open in regard to other programs too. We have been looking into other domestic outreach programs and international programs. Just trying to get as much information as possible.

At this point we are just feeling like our family is not "finished." We are looking at all the possibilities. It is a hard place to be, I feel vulnerable. You have to rely on other people/agencies for something so personal as building your family. It is a tough spot to be in, especially since my feelings are so tender from our failed adoption of Luke. So, for now we are just re-grouping and trying to be as informed as possible.

Annoyed. . .

I am so annoyed right now.

On my Yahoo news page I read this article title:

The evangelical dilemma in South Carolina: adulterer or Mormon?

It makes me question the "Evangelical" movement. I thought Evangelicals were those who believe in strong values and have a fervent testimony of Christ. If this title is correct, then the true dilemma is not about Mormons at all.

So wrong.

On so many levels.

Wrong.

68 days. . .

We got a phone call yesterday morning.

Katie is deciding between several families. She had a couple of questions for us and wanted to know a little more about our family.

1) What church do you go to?
2) You already have 2 boys, are you okay with a third boy?
3) How do you feel about "music" in your home.
4) What schooling do you plan to do (public, private, homeschooling. . .etc.)

When we hung up the agency they told us that they expected a choice soon. They thought that it would be yesterday or today. They said that Katie "liked" our family and she was seriously considering us.

It is now almost 3PM and we have not heard anything. It is kind of depressing. I just go to the worst case scenario and think. . . maybe we are not meant to have more then 3 kids. I just don't feel like we should be taking huge heroic measures. We don't have the money to do it anyway. After 8 adoption attempts and $100K I think I might be at the end. I might just need to be a peace with this. But I can't help looking at "available" situations and wondering if "this" little person is meant to be our child.

I felt so good about Katie and about this little boy. I felt like he could be ours. I guess it isn't over, until it's over. . . but I think we should have heard something by now.

With the cousins at Uncle Jim's funeral

71 days

As I was looking back on some journal entries I saw this one from Dec. 27. It hard to believe that so much has changed in the last 3 weeks. Katie is due in 71 days and we are still waiting on an update.

Dec. 27, 2011

Well, I am still dealing with all the emotions and sadness. Dave and I have had some good conversations about this and it is good to talk it out.

The silver lining in all this is our Japan adoption. I am so grateful that we are not empty handed in all this. We can still cling to the hope that Japan will work out and that another child will come to our family through this avenue. We already have emailed Faith our updated domestic homestudy update and asked how it should be updated to reflect Japan. We also cc'd Alan on the email and maybe he can get the lead out. He has been pretty slow and we can only hope for a tender mercy that he can be faster on this one.

Once we have the completed homestudy we can apply for the I-600 visa. Once we get the visa (right now it is taking about 3 months) we can get in line and will be officially waiting with Faith.

I cannot tell you the peace I feel with knowing that this path is in front of us. I am so glad that when I look at the baby's room I don't just think of Luke and want to cry. I am now trying to think about our Japanese son or daughter.

I still have no clarity on the domestic front. I do not know if API is right to continue or not. I just look at it and feel blank.

74 days

Well, our profile letter is on it's way to Katie. Today we got an email from Tarilee, the Act of Love facilitator we are working with. She said she mailed a hard copy of our profile today. I thought they would email it, but I guess they have their protocols. She could not find our emailed file and asked me to email it again.

One thing about this agency (and we have worked with quite a few. . . 7 to be exact) is that this agency is really run like a business. This place really lacks any of the compassionate professionalism that we would seek for. We actually interviewed this agency 2 years ago and did not select them based on a couple of factors. . . one being their sliding rate for race/ethnicity (so wrong.) They charge families $5,000 less for "Full-African American" children. The second reason,they are run like a business, not a family oriented agency.

If not for Katie and this situation we were drawn to, we would not be working with them. So, I guess I am wondering how this will all turn out. I will let you know if we get any information. I am thinking it will be a while (maybe a week) before we hear back.

Uncle Jim

My mother-in-law's brother, Uncle Jim passed away this evening due to health complications. I am just shocked. We just saw Uncle Jim last night. He was sharing some beautiful words with us about our family and I know he felt our heartbreak with what happened in Texas. He also shared his testimony of the gospel with us. He was so loving and had a twinkle in his eye. I was concerned for him because of his health challenges. But I was so happy to see that he was still the same loving and charismatic man I remember, even through the pain.

Our thoughts go to his wife Jan and his children and family.



You are so loved Uncle Jim.

We are pulling the triger

So, last night we went to Provo and had Dave's dad give us priesthood blessings. We both needed some clarity on this and it was wonderful to feel the spirit and know we would be lead to the right choice. Uncle Jim is staying the weekend with Patti and Wynn and Dave and Wynn gave him a blessing, his health is pretty poor. Uncle Jim told us after our blessings that he feels our family is not complete and that spirits were waiting to come to our family. I felt at peace with what he said.

When we were driving home Dave was recounting his conversation with Jim and said he talked about how Neil Maxwell felt that families were chosen before the world was formed and we chose our family. I felt the spirit so strongly, it was overwhelming. It was an intense flash of emotion and light. I was filled with love and felt like we should move forward and take the steps necessary to make this little boy part of our family. I felt like he is meant to be ours. That is scary to write because it could all go terribly wrong if the birth father comes forward and contests the adoption.

So this morning Dave and I talked about it and we both feel good about moving forward. I called the agency and talked with them one more time. I also called an adoption attorney to get a legal perspective on this and what could happen and where it would lead us. Basically there are some high standards set for the birth father to take custody. I just hope and pray fervently that he does not contest the adoption. I know the spirit is more powerful then the adversary, and I pray he can yield to those enticing long enough for this little boy to become our son.

So, there you have it. On Friday the 13th we sign the papers and officially take the steps forward to make this little boy our son.

We still need to be chosen. This situation has officially gone to "outreach" and we may not be the only family that is shown to Katie to choose from. We need to be chosen by her first and then, take the next step.

This is going to requite a lot of faith and nerves of steel for the next 75 days.

Friday is library day

Katie

We got the file on Katie and the adoption situation. Here are the highlights:

Katie is 21 year old Caucasian. She loves music, art and languages. She plays the piano, guitar and cello. She lives at home with her parents and is going into cosmetology. She is the youngest of three children. After reading her profile the best word that describes her is; delightful. She has support from her mom and family in the adoption plan. She lives in Mississippi. She will fly out to Salt Lake City on Feb. 24. She will deliver the baby here.

The birth father is named "Tam." He is Vietnamese. At first he supported the adoption plan, but then Katie and Tam had an argument and he said he would not support the adoption. Katie said his nature is "violent" and "abusive." This is a huge concern for us.

The cost of this adoption is 40K. (Spencer's adoption was 33K and Jacob's was 25K.) It is rather expensive and we need to consider how we would cover those expenses.

Dave and I are trying to come to a decision. This could be wonderful for our family or it could be devastating. This is a high risk adoption with a birth father not consenting. He could contest the adoption and if he does all our fees are non-refundable.

I just don't know. I keep going in circles. . . I feel like he could really be ours. Then I feel like this is such a risk. What am I thinking, putting our family is such a vulnerable place?

Dave is my rock. He has so much clarity on this. He is going to ask his dad to give us priesthood blessings. He is also going to work out a financial spread sheet to consider how we would pay for this. I am so grateful for him.

We shall see.

3/29/2012

A little time line. . . from the last week.

Jan. 2: I learned about Act of Love's outreach program. I emailed to find out more information about a Caucasian/Vietnamese little boy due in March.

Jan. 3: Hear back from Act of Love, with information that the little boy due March 29 is not matched with a family yet.

Jan. 6: We decide to submit our outreach application and ask Alan to submit our homestudy

Jan. 9: Act of Love receives all our paperwork and application for outreach program. We are told it will be a day or two to get our application and homestudy approved. Once it is approved they will give us more details about "Katie" and the adoption situation.

Reading goal for 2012

Last year I had a goal to read 24 books. I met my goal, just barely. . . :)

I really enjoyed some of the books I read. I really enjoyed "The Deed of Paksenarrion" & "Jane Eyre" for fiction and for non-fiction my favorite was also a tie, between "Toddler Adoption: A Weaver's Craft" and "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks."



So, my goal for 2012. . . again I will shoot for 24 books.

Mosaic Master

Thanks Aunt Kate, the sticker mosaic is a hit!

10 o'clock snack

Someone loves a 10 o'clock snack :)

Like father. . . like son

For Christmas my sister in law gave us a true treasure. A collection of family photos from the 60s-90s. It was so fun to look at all the photos and reminisce. I loved hearing Dave's stories.

One photo I loved is one of Dave when we was Spencer's age. Check out his Halloween costume:

Dave 1978:


Spencer 2011:

Church

Church was great today, I don't even know why I was worried. So many people were filled with compassion. We got lots hugs and "we are thinking of you/praying for your family." There were a couple people who did not know and when we told them, you could see the love and concern in their eyes. I felt the love and support of so many.

Ahh, the gospel is true and so many people strive to be like the Savior. I feel blessed to have our friends and neighbors.