My sweet friend Sarah (over at TheLyonsDen: http://thelyonsden-saralyons.blogspot.com/) tagged me in a post. It is a get to know you post with questions she asked the bloggers she has tagged/nominated. She nominated me for a Liebster Award, it is for bloggers with less then 200 followers. The post is not only a get-to-know-you post, but also to help generate readers and get more followers.
I think I like where I am with readers. When Spencer was born I started blogging and the first year I had around 10,000 hits. I just loved the networking. Meeting so many other adoptive moms and seeing the adoption experience from so many sides was great. But, I found that I was trying to write for public consumption and not necessary keeping a family journal.
I also did not share any specific information, last name, the date of birthdays, where we lived. . . etc. I was concerned about "putting it all out there" and if that was safe for my family. I finally decided that I would go private. My readership went from hundreds of hits a week, to less then a dozen. Sometimes I miss the interaction I once had with my "readers" and making great connections. But overall I think the privacy is worth the trade off. So, to the 5 peolpe who will read this post, there you have it.
On to some fun questions from Sarah!
1) If you could have 1 superpower what would it be?
Either always feeling refreshed, no matter how much sleep I got . . or. . .Always being able to perceive what others are feeling and being able to say the right thing to make them feel loved and know their eternal worth.
2)Favorite TV show?
I love Korean Dramas (Netflix has tons, City Hunter is my favorite) I also like Castle, Fringe and Downton Abby
3) Any hobbies?
I love digital scrapbooking, I adore shutterfly.
4)What vegetable do you dislike and refuse to eat?
Brussel Sprouts. . . totally disgusting.
5)If you could only have one dessert for the rest of your life what would it be?
Mmmm, so many choices. Something creamy, something lemon or something chocolate.
6) One funny fact about you.
I have never broken a bone
7) If you were on an desert island what 3 things would you want with you? Minus people.
1) Scriptures, 2) Machete 3) Something creamy, something lemon or something chocolate.
8) Favorite summer activity?
Being in the backyard with my boys
9)Are you a morning or night person?
More of a night person. However, I go to bed at 9:30PM, can I still be a night person because I hate mornings.
10)If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?
China, to bring home little sister.
11)Favorite childhood toy?
Games (Pit, Uno, Monopoly, Rook. . .) I also had a type writer that I loved! It was powder blue and I thought it was so cool! I also had a play set of luggage with strawberries on it that I adored.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
9 years
Happy Anniversary to us.
Nine years ago today was the happiest day of my life, the day on which all other happy days are based on. How I love my sweetheart. He is an amazing friend, husband, father and life partner.
Although we celebrated our anniversary a couple weeks ago, today is the official day. Dave gave me a lovely gift. It is a statue to complete our Willow Tree family. The "Father & Son" statue you see in the photo, added to the Mother & child (a gift from Janelle a few years back) and the two babies (a gift from Patti a few years back) competes our family.
Here we are mom, dad and 4 little ones.
We are closer to adding our last little one, today was our final homestudy visit. We both have our medical visits next week and that completes it. So, within 2 weeks I think our homestudy will be done. Then off to USCIS, AND I just heard is taking closer to 2 months, rather then 3. Maybe it will be faster this time ("You think that Jane, if it gives you comfort.") At any rate, I certainly think that by our 10th anniversary we will have our referral. So exciting!
Nine years ago today was the happiest day of my life, the day on which all other happy days are based on. How I love my sweetheart. He is an amazing friend, husband, father and life partner.
Although we celebrated our anniversary a couple weeks ago, today is the official day. Dave gave me a lovely gift. It is a statue to complete our Willow Tree family. The "Father & Son" statue you see in the photo, added to the Mother & child (a gift from Janelle a few years back) and the two babies (a gift from Patti a few years back) competes our family.
Here we are mom, dad and 4 little ones.
We are closer to adding our last little one, today was our final homestudy visit. We both have our medical visits next week and that completes it. So, within 2 weeks I think our homestudy will be done. Then off to USCIS, AND I just heard is taking closer to 2 months, rather then 3. Maybe it will be faster this time ("You think that Jane, if it gives you comfort.") At any rate, I certainly think that by our 10th anniversary we will have our referral. So exciting!
Monday, January 28, 2013
China Special Needs
I know a few weeks ago I wrote about our family and if we are "done." I have still been thinking about it. A lot.
In the middle of January we got an update from our Japan adoption agency. The letter basically said, the wait has gone from "very long" to unknown/indefinite. I think it was rather disappointing reading it. Even though I knew it was going to be a long wait. I still had hope it would happen, eventually.
Knowing that Japan isn't going to happen has given me time to really think about our children and if we really are "done."
I just have a feeling that there is suppose to be one more. No matter how I try to prepare myself mentally to be "done" and be content with 3 children, this feeling keeps bubbling up. I will look at a photo of the three boys and the thought, suddenly, pops in my head, "Someone is missing." I try to shake it off but how often can you honestly do that?
Dave has been very receptive to the idea completing another China SN adoption. He hasn't been pushy, but I also wouldn't label myself as "the reluctant spouse." We are just trying to talk through all the options.
There are so many reasons we shouldn't adopt from China. As you know I enumerated them before. . . and all the reasons boil down to this: it's hard. But because something is hard doesn't mean that we shouldn't do it. I was going back and forth.
On the one hand, I am concerned about parenting a child with attachment issues and orphanage related diagnoses (R.A.D.. . ) But on the other hand having another child is what is right for our family. All put together, China SN seems to be the best route for us.
There is also an entire component that I haven't talked about, that is; what is the Lord's plan for our family? Dave and I have really spent some time praying, contemplating and searching out what is right for our family. This is not something to be taken lightly. We have both come to feel that China SN is the right path forward.
It is funny, because I thought I would feel weighed down by the decision (You know, "Not another dossier." *sigh*)
The choice however has filled me with excitement. Wow! We are going to have a daughter. I am thinking about names and find myself looking at girls' clothes and dolls. Sure, we have paperwork to do. . . but I am a veteran and I could do it all in my sleep. . . in triplicate. Bring. it. on. I love a check list.
So, what does our timeline look like? It seems 18 months is realistic. This is how it breaks down:
Homestudy complete by the end of Feb. 2013 (It has been on ice since Aug. so we already have some stuff done)
I-800 submitted when homestudy is done: March 2013
I-800 approval: June 2013 (it is taking about 90 days)
Dossier to China: June-July 2013
Log-in-date issued: August 2013 (It takes about 4-6 weeks)
Then we are ready for a match: referral will take 1-4 months, Sept.-Dec. 2013
After referral it is 8 months before we can travel: Travel will be late spring to late summer 2014
Again, these are just targeted times, it could be faster (HA HA HA) or slower (as always).
We are requesting a girl. I felt a little guilty about requesting a gender. We have never requested a gender, but it is pretty common knowledge that if you don't request a girl you get boy. (Hence, we have 3 wonderful boys.) There are more parents who request girls, so it makes the wait times longer too.
For age, we are requesting younger then Jacob. A child under 3 years old will also make the wait times longer too. But we really feel that is the right age for our family dynamic. Ideally she would be 1 year older then Luke and 1 year younger then Jacob, but under 3 would be perfect.
We are open to a variety of special needs, so we will just have to wait and see what medical treatments she will need. We have an amazing pediatric orthopedic surgeon, so it would be great to utilize his expertise. But, again, we will just wait and see once we get her medical records. We have an amazing Children's hospital close by, I know they can address any of her medical needs.
So, off we go . . . again. One final hurrah! It feels good to know our family will be complete soon.
In the middle of January we got an update from our Japan adoption agency. The letter basically said, the wait has gone from "very long" to unknown/indefinite. I think it was rather disappointing reading it. Even though I knew it was going to be a long wait. I still had hope it would happen, eventually.
Knowing that Japan isn't going to happen has given me time to really think about our children and if we really are "done."
I just have a feeling that there is suppose to be one more. No matter how I try to prepare myself mentally to be "done" and be content with 3 children, this feeling keeps bubbling up. I will look at a photo of the three boys and the thought, suddenly, pops in my head, "Someone is missing." I try to shake it off but how often can you honestly do that?
Dave has been very receptive to the idea completing another China SN adoption. He hasn't been pushy, but I also wouldn't label myself as "the reluctant spouse." We are just trying to talk through all the options.
There are so many reasons we shouldn't adopt from China. As you know I enumerated them before. . . and all the reasons boil down to this: it's hard. But because something is hard doesn't mean that we shouldn't do it. I was going back and forth.
On the one hand, I am concerned about parenting a child with attachment issues and orphanage related diagnoses (R.A.D.. . ) But on the other hand having another child is what is right for our family. All put together, China SN seems to be the best route for us.
There is also an entire component that I haven't talked about, that is; what is the Lord's plan for our family? Dave and I have really spent some time praying, contemplating and searching out what is right for our family. This is not something to be taken lightly. We have both come to feel that China SN is the right path forward.
It is funny, because I thought I would feel weighed down by the decision (You know, "Not another dossier." *sigh*)
The choice however has filled me with excitement. Wow! We are going to have a daughter. I am thinking about names and find myself looking at girls' clothes and dolls. Sure, we have paperwork to do. . . but I am a veteran and I could do it all in my sleep. . . in triplicate. Bring. it. on. I love a check list.
So, what does our timeline look like? It seems 18 months is realistic. This is how it breaks down:
Homestudy complete by the end of Feb. 2013 (It has been on ice since Aug. so we already have some stuff done)
I-800 submitted when homestudy is done: March 2013
I-800 approval: June 2013 (it is taking about 90 days)
Dossier to China: June-July 2013
Log-in-date issued: August 2013 (It takes about 4-6 weeks)
Then we are ready for a match: referral will take 1-4 months, Sept.-Dec. 2013
After referral it is 8 months before we can travel: Travel will be late spring to late summer 2014
Again, these are just targeted times, it could be faster (HA HA HA) or slower (as always).
We are requesting a girl. I felt a little guilty about requesting a gender. We have never requested a gender, but it is pretty common knowledge that if you don't request a girl you get boy. (Hence, we have 3 wonderful boys.) There are more parents who request girls, so it makes the wait times longer too.
For age, we are requesting younger then Jacob. A child under 3 years old will also make the wait times longer too. But we really feel that is the right age for our family dynamic. Ideally she would be 1 year older then Luke and 1 year younger then Jacob, but under 3 would be perfect.
We are open to a variety of special needs, so we will just have to wait and see what medical treatments she will need. We have an amazing pediatric orthopedic surgeon, so it would be great to utilize his expertise. But, again, we will just wait and see once we get her medical records. We have an amazing Children's hospital close by, I know they can address any of her medical needs.
So, off we go . . . again. One final hurrah! It feels good to know our family will be complete soon.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Saturday Morning
cartoons on TV. Now they're playing on tablets. At least some of it is
educational content. Here Spencer is working on a constellation app
and Jacob is playing a racing game, though he had been on the digital
version of "Goodnight Moon" a few moments before this picture.
Video
It has been a fun month. I thought I would put together some clips of the boys and what they have been up to.
I am officially ditching YouTube, I went to post this video there and the ads on the side for other videos were so degrading, pornographic and offensive I had to find another way to share video. I hope Vimeo does a good job, because I will never use YouTube again.
I am officially ditching YouTube, I went to post this video there and the ads on the side for other videos were so degrading, pornographic and offensive I had to find another way to share video. I hope Vimeo does a good job, because I will never use YouTube again.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Family Photos
Today is MLK day and so Dave has the day off work. Last week I got a coupon for JCPenny portrait studio. So I thought this would be a good day to have a family portrait taken. We showed up at 10:20 AM, and thirty minutes and $15 later (a steal of a deal!) we have a couple of great pictures.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Fun with Qwirkle
Growing up in in the Bassett house meant lots of game. Board games, card games, tile games, outside games. . . games.
It makes me super happy that the boys are getting old enough to enjoy some games that I like too. Don't get me wrong, I adore playing Candyland and War over and over for hours and hours. . . Now that the boys are getting older it is a little more fun for me and Dave :) Trivial Pursuit here we come.
In this photo we are enjoying playing Qwirkle, a game where you use tiles to make patterns with shapes and colors (Thank you Aunt Kate.)
It makes me super happy that the boys are getting old enough to enjoy some games that I like too. Don't get me wrong, I adore playing Candyland and War over and over for hours and hours. . . Now that the boys are getting older it is a little more fun for me and Dave :) Trivial Pursuit here we come.
In this photo we are enjoying playing Qwirkle, a game where you use tiles to make patterns with shapes and colors (Thank you Aunt Kate.)
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Fun with big pieces of paper
My parents are visiting for a few days. . . HOUSE HUNTING! It looks like now that my dad is semi-retired they will be moving from Denver to Utah this year. It is pretty exciting. I know the boys can't wait.
Grandpa brought with him big sheets of paper for the boys to color on. We decided to trace them and them let them color it. It was a fun afternoon. I "helped" color Luke's tracing.
Grandpa brought with him big sheets of paper for the boys to color on. We decided to trace them and them let them color it. It was a fun afternoon. I "helped" color Luke's tracing.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Is your family done?
This morning I was texting the Relief Society President and asking about a new visiting teaching companion. (My companion moved last month.) I was trying to see if I should visit alone this month or wait for the assignment. I sent a text:
Me: Do I have a new VT companion?
LeAnn: You will in February and we gave you a wonderful new sister.
So Spencer sees LeAnn's text before me and excitedly says, "Mom you are getting a baby! We are getting a new baby sister!" He was quite excited and I had to tell him it wasn't a baby, it was a sister in our ward to help me visiting teach. He seemed a little bummed.
Then I felt a little bummed.
Would I like a "new baby sister"? Of course, especially if she was preceded by a text to announce her arrival. But will we get a "new baby sister". . . probably not.
Over the last couple of months a few peolpe have asked, "Do you think your family is complete?" It is a hard question to answer, but I have basically been thinking about it non-stop. You see last summer after we lost Jordan and before Luke came home, Dave and I decided that we would go back to China Special Needs and adopt a daughter. It was a great feeling to know that we had choices, we knew our family was not "done." After being taken over by domestic for the past year we could not, could not press forward with that program.
We chose an agency. We filled out the paper work, paid the fees, did the homestudy, requested the birth certifcates. . . all the things I could do in my sleep. We would be starting our 6th international adoption and it felt very comfortable. I had been down this path before. In the middle of the paper-chase is when we found out Vivian chose our family. After Luke came home we decided to put China SN on hold for 6 months and see where we were.
Here we are almost 6 months later and it has become clear to me, that China SN is not the right path for our family now. Dave feels it too. I have spent time thinking about if we should or shouldn't move forward. One day I just told Dave, "I need to be realistic about my capabilities." The thought of having another child older then Luke but younger then Jacob is overwhelming. Also when looking at adopting a child that is not an infant you need to be prepared for attachment issues, sleeping issues, hoarding issues, a child who might lash out or perhaps be very withdrawn. Could I realistically be prepared for what might lie ahead? Would I be taking on more then I could handle?
Not to mention the medical aspect of adopting Special Needs and the financial obligation that goes along with it. Luke has had medical appointments each month with our pediatrician, preemie specialists and early intervention. He also has some very expensive medication to prevent him for getting RSV, that our insurance doesn't cover. Could we financially meet more medical obligations?
At the end of the year it seemed pretty obvious to me that China SN was not right for our family. We had such a wonderful experience with Jacob and our agency, but no matter how much I want another child I have to look at the whole picture. Could I be prepared to meet all her needs? How would it impact the boys? Could we financially meet our obligations? How would adopting out of birth order affect everyone? Looking at everything, I just don't feel pursuing a China SN adoption is right for us right now. Who knows, maybe when Luke is older it will be right.
So, is our family "done?" I don't know.
This is what I do know. Having another child "the old fashion way" is not likely. We will not do another domestic adoption, ever. (Unless Vivian finds herself in a situation where she wants to place with our family again.) There are not really any other international programs we led to. So, since having a biological child is not going to happen and since there are no adoption programs that are open to us. . . I think you can do that math.
There is a dark horse however. About a year and half ago we signed up with an agency for an international adoption. It has been almost 18 months and nothing really has happened. This program does private adoptions of newborns from Japan. It is not a government program. The program is projecting at least a 2-3 year wait. But it might never happen. We are around #20 on the wait list and in the last 6 months 2 children have been placed. . . again, you can do the math.
I love being a mom and I have three amazing, charming, handsome boys. Life is so good for us right now. I would feel richly and deeply blessed if our family is complete. So, for now I will just see if we are blessed with another child, we have cast our bread on the water and now it is in the Lord's hands. I know that the children who are meant to be ours have (or will) become ours.
Me: Do I have a new VT companion?
LeAnn: You will in February and we gave you a wonderful new sister.
So Spencer sees LeAnn's text before me and excitedly says, "Mom you are getting a baby! We are getting a new baby sister!" He was quite excited and I had to tell him it wasn't a baby, it was a sister in our ward to help me visiting teach. He seemed a little bummed.
Then I felt a little bummed.
Would I like a "new baby sister"? Of course, especially if she was preceded by a text to announce her arrival. But will we get a "new baby sister". . . probably not.
Over the last couple of months a few peolpe have asked, "Do you think your family is complete?" It is a hard question to answer, but I have basically been thinking about it non-stop. You see last summer after we lost Jordan and before Luke came home, Dave and I decided that we would go back to China Special Needs and adopt a daughter. It was a great feeling to know that we had choices, we knew our family was not "done." After being taken over by domestic for the past year we could not, could not press forward with that program.
We chose an agency. We filled out the paper work, paid the fees, did the homestudy, requested the birth certifcates. . . all the things I could do in my sleep. We would be starting our 6th international adoption and it felt very comfortable. I had been down this path before. In the middle of the paper-chase is when we found out Vivian chose our family. After Luke came home we decided to put China SN on hold for 6 months and see where we were.
Here we are almost 6 months later and it has become clear to me, that China SN is not the right path for our family now. Dave feels it too. I have spent time thinking about if we should or shouldn't move forward. One day I just told Dave, "I need to be realistic about my capabilities." The thought of having another child older then Luke but younger then Jacob is overwhelming. Also when looking at adopting a child that is not an infant you need to be prepared for attachment issues, sleeping issues, hoarding issues, a child who might lash out or perhaps be very withdrawn. Could I realistically be prepared for what might lie ahead? Would I be taking on more then I could handle?
Not to mention the medical aspect of adopting Special Needs and the financial obligation that goes along with it. Luke has had medical appointments each month with our pediatrician, preemie specialists and early intervention. He also has some very expensive medication to prevent him for getting RSV, that our insurance doesn't cover. Could we financially meet more medical obligations?
At the end of the year it seemed pretty obvious to me that China SN was not right for our family. We had such a wonderful experience with Jacob and our agency, but no matter how much I want another child I have to look at the whole picture. Could I be prepared to meet all her needs? How would it impact the boys? Could we financially meet our obligations? How would adopting out of birth order affect everyone? Looking at everything, I just don't feel pursuing a China SN adoption is right for us right now. Who knows, maybe when Luke is older it will be right.
So, is our family "done?" I don't know.
This is what I do know. Having another child "the old fashion way" is not likely. We will not do another domestic adoption, ever. (Unless Vivian finds herself in a situation where she wants to place with our family again.) There are not really any other international programs we led to. So, since having a biological child is not going to happen and since there are no adoption programs that are open to us. . . I think you can do that math.
There is a dark horse however. About a year and half ago we signed up with an agency for an international adoption. It has been almost 18 months and nothing really has happened. This program does private adoptions of newborns from Japan. It is not a government program. The program is projecting at least a 2-3 year wait. But it might never happen. We are around #20 on the wait list and in the last 6 months 2 children have been placed. . . again, you can do the math.
I love being a mom and I have three amazing, charming, handsome boys. Life is so good for us right now. I would feel richly and deeply blessed if our family is complete. So, for now I will just see if we are blessed with another child, we have cast our bread on the water and now it is in the Lord's hands. I know that the children who are meant to be ours have (or will) become ours.
Saturday, January 12, 2013
9 years
It is hard to think of my life 9 years ago, before Dave and before our wonderful boys were born. It really seems like remembering a book I read. Life and marriage and motherhood, all the greatest blessings in my life all come from kneeling across the alter and marrying the best man I have ever known.
This morning Dave was getting ready to head off to work and I was just finishing feeding Luke. I gave Dave a hug and said, "Have a good day to work." Dave smiled and said "You too."
That is why I love him so.
I think a lot of stay at home moms can feel unrecognized, but to know my husband knows I am "working" is so uplifting. It has put a spring in my step all day.
We celebrated a couple weeks early this year with dinner at Ruth's Chris. Good food, rose petals on the table, lobster bisque, lovely Fillet Mignon and amazing dessert. Then it was off to the symphony. Tiffani came over to watch the boys and I truly enjoyed our night out knowing our boys were so loved and cared for by their darling aunt. Ahhh. . . I could get used to this.
Next year is our tenth anniversary. On our honeymoon we went to San Fransisco & Carmel. We also took a day to drive up to Big Sur. A perfect and lovey trip (no kids of course.) Then on our 5th anniversary we went to Niagara Falls, Niagara on the Lake and a quick day trip to Toronto & Morton's Steak House. Grandma watched Spencer so. . . no kids. For our 5th anniversary, I got to chose the place and chose the accommodations and surprise Dave. So, for the big 1-0. . . Dave gets to surprise me :)
I gave him a couple of rules. . . 1) no kids (of course) 2) warmer then Utah 3) Gone for 5 days . . . 2 travel days and 3 days there . . . no jet lag if possible. (So, not the other side of the world.)
This year was simply perfect. A great anniversary.
This morning Dave was getting ready to head off to work and I was just finishing feeding Luke. I gave Dave a hug and said, "Have a good day to work." Dave smiled and said "You too."
That is why I love him so.
I think a lot of stay at home moms can feel unrecognized, but to know my husband knows I am "working" is so uplifting. It has put a spring in my step all day.
We celebrated a couple weeks early this year with dinner at Ruth's Chris. Good food, rose petals on the table, lobster bisque, lovely Fillet Mignon and amazing dessert. Then it was off to the symphony. Tiffani came over to watch the boys and I truly enjoyed our night out knowing our boys were so loved and cared for by their darling aunt. Ahhh. . . I could get used to this.
Next year is our tenth anniversary. On our honeymoon we went to San Fransisco & Carmel. We also took a day to drive up to Big Sur. A perfect and lovey trip (no kids of course.) Then on our 5th anniversary we went to Niagara Falls, Niagara on the Lake and a quick day trip to Toronto & Morton's Steak House. Grandma watched Spencer so. . . no kids. For our 5th anniversary, I got to chose the place and chose the accommodations and surprise Dave. So, for the big 1-0. . . Dave gets to surprise me :)
I gave him a couple of rules. . . 1) no kids (of course) 2) warmer then Utah 3) Gone for 5 days . . . 2 travel days and 3 days there . . . no jet lag if possible. (So, not the other side of the world.)
This year was simply perfect. A great anniversary.
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