Wednesday Aug. 23, 2012
As you know in the last year we have had 3 failed domestic adoptions.
In September of 2011, we were matched with Caralee. We spent 3 months building a relationship with her and in December 2011 our whole family flew to San Antonio to be there for the arrival of our son. We were at the hospital when
Nathan was born and it was a wonderful but stressful time. Our first real experience with domestic adoption. The day she was to sign, she said she needed more time to make up her mind. On Christmas Eve, one day later, we found out she had decided to parent and not place her son with us.
In January of 2012, we were matched with Katie. We spent two months building a relationship with her and were at the hospital when
Isaac was born in March. The next morning, as we drove to the hospital to sign the papers, we got a call. The birthfather was contesting and the adoption would not happen.
In May 2012, we found out about
Jordan. He was already born (7 weeks early and in the NICU) and the birthmother had chosen our family. But the birthfather was uncertain. We spent 3 weeks visiting Jordan everyday in the hospital and the week before he was to come home, we found out the birthfather was contesting.
In early July 2012. We got a call from the agency. A birthmom in Hawaii had given birth (prematurely to a 2 lb 5 oz baby boy) and the baby was in the NICU. She liked our family, and if she decided to place she wanted us. But, she was uncertain if adoption was the right path. After a few weeks of hopeful dreaming. We found out that the birthparents decided they wanted to raise this baby.
At this point we told the agency; We need a break. This is just too much. Our family had been through the ringer, emotionally and financially. Honestly, how much could we take? For me mentally, it was over. We were
done with domestic adoption. This was the proverbial last straw. How many times can you get kicked in the gut? Honestly, I was a wreck. We just told our case worker, "Don't call us, we'll call you."
After that phone call, I felt like a weight had been lifted. I could not, could not do it again. It felt so good knowing I would never have to hold a baby and wonder if he would be taken from me. I don't know how families do it, being matched and waiting weeks or months to see if it will happen. It is like being tensed and waiting to see if you get punched in the face.
So, you can imagine my surprise when we get a phone call 4 days ago (on Aug. 20) from our adoption agency. I was just so puzzled. Why on earth are they calling us? There were two people on the phone (and I have been through their protocol enough times to know that they only have 2 people on the phone when they need to verify the response.) They asked how we were doing a little chit-chat, then . . . .wham.
"The birthmom in Hawaii would like to place her 3 month old son and she still wants your family."
Long pause. . . processing. . . processing. . . "Really? Could you repeat that?"
Now, let me let you in on a little thought process here. I cannot tell you have many times I have dreamed and day-dreamed about getting a call that a birthparent had changed their mind. It is not something I like to dwell on, because it is unhealthy and creates a longing for something that you cannot have. It is best to move forward and look to the future, not the past. How could this be?
I just sat there in shock. Both the birthmom and birthdad felt that adoption was the right path. I feel so grateful that they experienced parenting, they know now every option available and can make a fully informed decision. These two people have hopes and dreams, they want an education and future. . . and when the time is right a family.
From what we are hearing from the agency, they are both very committed to placing and feel strongly that we are the family this little boy needs to be with. The agency suggested that we not fly out until after the papers are signed, that way we know for sure. The last update we had was that the birthparents were signing the papers today or tomorrow, so depending on that we could leave any day now. We need to give my mom enough time to come out from Denver (she will watch Spencer and Jacob) and then we will both fly out to Honolulu. If it all works out, I will be gone about 3 days, then Dave will stay until all the paperwork clears and he can come home with Little One.
If, depending, could. . . This all seems too good to be true and I have to constantly remind myself it might not happen. I haven't really "gone there." It is easy to talk about plans, and trips, and airfare, and retaining an attorney. . . . all the things to check off your list . . but when it comes to imagining holding him, our son, for the first time, I just can't do it. Because he may never be our son and this might never happen.
Oh domestic. . . you are not my friend. . . unless the 4th time's the charm and then I will be forever indebted to you for bringing my son to me.
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Saturday August 26, 2012
After 6 very long days of waiting. . . we got the call at 7:24 PM.
Our agency just heard from the attorney in Hawaii. The papers have been signed and this little boy, our son, will be in our arms soon. I am so overwhelmed. It has been an emotional roller coaster. I have felt so much peace and so much angst. I have felt so much love for this little boy and so much frustration about the process. It has been highs and lows, sleepless nights and fervent prayers.
We leave for Honolulu tomorrow morning. That is why at 12:45AM I am blogging and doing laundry. In less then 24 hours after the call we will be in Hawaii. So crazy. I am so grateful to my sister for hooking us up with a great deal to fly non-stop on Delta. We are staying in Waikiki. I am in a daze.
I am still anxious that it won't work for some unseen reason. I will feel better when he is with us. . . it could be just 24 short hours away. I will be blogging updates as we go. Enjoy the journey with us.
